So it’s here.
The day we finally meet #3…who as I write this still does not have a name waiting for her…but hopefully by the time you read this, she will!
As I write this post one week before you actually read it, I’m flooded with memories from last year. So I’ll warn you now…
this will not be my typical post
it will be more personal
and it will be long.
But it is where I am at the moment as I start to mentally prepare for Baby #3s arrival.
On March 14th, 2008 we welcomed beautiful Addison Eve into our lives. I don’t know what life would ever have been like if we hadn’t been blessed with Addie. She is our most wonderful, first born daughter that can make us happy and spin our heads all in the same split second. She is without a doubt well nicknamed, Tornaddie! We love her silliness to the moon and back. Her little smile and her little voice calling out “Hi Mama! Hi Dada!” Are the best! I will never forget being handed my FIRST born baby! Even today, she is my baby each and every time I hold her.
My heart is overfilled with love for her!
Everything about Addie’s pregnancy was normal for me, up until the last week when my amnio fluid levels started dropping. After daily monitoring, I was induced 2 days before my due date. This in itself was a little scary, but once we were assured that Addie was not in distress, the rest of the labor was a piece of cake! We actually had to hold delivering her until the doctor arrived at the hospital. So all in all a very easy, breeezy pregnancy and labor!
When Addie was 3 months old we learned we were pregnant again. This after we had just decided we wanted to wait until Addie was 6 months and then we might try for our second.
After returning from an amazing Father’s Day weekend of racing cars and wine tasting, we found out we were pregnant already!
Sweet Hayden Quinne joined us February 16, 2009. She has been our most wonderful little Giggle Monster! Always a smile on her face and loads of squishy baby rolls to hug on! When you need you some baby love, she can give it to ya! Life with Hay may not have been planned, but it is a sweet, sweet, joyful life that we can’t imagine missing. Her big smile and two front teeth kill me on a daily basis! Just when I didn’t think I had more love to give, along comes Hay!
Hay’s pregnancy was a little tougher as I was still working on the resort for The Irvine Company, was in fact in my 5th year of the project and coming up on the installation. I had just been through Addie’s pregnancy and I don’t think my body was totally physically ready yet to be pregnant. I was sure I was having a boy as I craved steak ALL THE TIME, which we later found out was an iron deficancy coming out of Pregnancy #1. So the next year was spent with my losing my hair, growing my hair, raising one baby, growing another baby, working full time, remodeling a house, moving, and just trying to balance it all.
Again a normal pregnancy, but I needed to stop working a little earlier. For some reason I had high amnio levels this time and Hayden became my human Ferris Wheel. We never knew which direction she would be at each OB appointment. She was usually transverse, meaning her body was horizontal instead of pointing up or down. This meant she would most likely need to be a c-section unless she turned. With Hayden I went into labor on my own 4 days before my due date. After a Sunday of slowly building contractions, and off and on phone calls with the doctor, my contractions ultimately woke me up in the middle of the night at 8 minutes apart. Grams and Gramps were called for Addie and we headed to the hospital 10 minutes away.
After a quick check in, quick labor prep, all was just as normal as before and the good news was Hayden seemed to be still facing down.
But my labor was not the same, it in fact became more and more painful regardless of the epidural and pain meds….after a little longer it was determined that Hayden was caught on my pelvic bone and was being further and further pushed into it with each contraction.
She was in distress.
At that moment, my life went upside down.
It was like an ER episode as I was prepped for an emergency c-section. Authorization papers flying, racing down hallways to an OR, doctors and nurses being so reassuring, but panic in everyone’s eyes.
The doctors were amazing, but they struggled for quite some time to get Hayden out. Such a relief to finally hear her cry! I’ve never been so worried and so grateful…
But it wasn’t over.
The next thing I remember is the anathesiologist asking how I felt, and I remember looking at him and feeling woozy and spinning. And then thinking, OMG my health directive says not to take heroic efforts…OMG do they know that just means I don’t want to be on life support???!!! I DO WANT TO LIVE, OMG I can’t leave my 2 babies and my husband, not now, not yet.
But all I’m doing is spinning. No words are in my mouth.
I can hear the anathesiologist warning the doctor, the doctor is yelling assured, but worried orders herself, my husband was quickly taken out of the room….everyone was in rescue mode and I am just drifting in and out, and totally afraid that I would not be returning to my family. My husband was himself in his own worried world alone and waiting with our new baby for the longest hour in another room.
Without the full details, some damage had occurred due to the way Hayden was wedged and stuck, which caused me to lose quite a lot of blood and it was difficult for the doctors to stop the loss, which then led to a blood transfusion to bring things back to normal.
But to normal we returned much later in the day and I was finally able to return OVER THE MOON GRATEFUL to be with my family and new baby.
Most of what occurred so early that morning pretty much left my memory. I think they say it’s your body’s survival mechanism to not remember.
And I really didn’t.
Until I watched the season finale of ER a few months later, and it all came rushing back in a flood of tears and memory. As I looked at my husband and told him I didn’t think I could go through it again. That I loved our girls, but the fear of something happening to a baby after carrying him or her 9 mos, or to me, causing him and our babies to be left alone and without a mother and wife….
I just couldn’t do it again.
But shortly after we found ourselves unbelievably pregnant.
We spent the first few months just trying to breathe and come to terms with the fact we were pregnant, again. How?!
I’ve spent many days emotionally preparing for it all and really throwing myself into our girls, our family, my job, everything.
We finally told our families around 5 1/2 months (I claimed I was struggling to lose baby weight), so needless to say, when you only admit your pregnant at 5 1/2 months, it goes pretty fast!!!
And now we’re here.
As you read this, we are at the hospital. The baby is transverse again. But the c-section is planned this time, so I’m calm going into this. I’ve had the luxury of making plans for our girls to be sure this week is as easy on them and my husband as possible. I’ve been able to prepare myself for the hospital stay, and get ready for this new little bundle of joy coming into our lives. We are so excited to meet her and join her merry band of sisters!! And it has been nice to not have the guess work of what day!
But I’m still scared.
I know when I enter the hospital it will all come rushing back, just as it has been as I’ve been trying to write this post.
I also know that things happen as they should and that we, baby and me, will be in the BEST possible care.
So as much as I’m afraid, I’m also excited! But I would still love your good thoughts and prayers for the baby, for me, and for our family, and I promise to introduce you to our newest favorite Little as soon as possible!
Thank you to everyone for all of your support and encouragement over the past few months as this blog has come to life! We have so many more adventures ahead of us and many more favorite things to discover!! I can’t wait!
Big hugs to you all!
(Images: Every fabulous image in this post is from our newborn photo shoots with Sandy Heit in 2008 and 2009, all others are just our family photos).